It was a cold Saturday morning, I was at the docks with my boss Sergeant Barry.
“You see that barge over there?” he said.
“Yeah,” I replied. “What bout’ it.”
“Even though that barge looks like it’s carrying cars, it’s actually smuggling the most dangerous machine gun in all of the world into New York.”
“Okay,” I said “What do I have to do?”
“You have to launch an underwater torpedo at that ship to sink it.”
What! I thought. You have got to be kidding me. An under trained young agent like myself is in no position to launch torpedos at international weapon smugglers!
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I really liked the words you used. I thought your punctuation was great and I really admire your imagination. I thought you did a great job, and that everything was fantastic. Great Job!
I think it’s good but the thing you can do is stop said like when you used ‘I said’ after ‘okay’ you could say ‘I replied’ and after ‘yeah’ you could do ‘yeah what bout it’ together and then do I asked. But all together you did well am impressed by your work.
Thank you Matthew that is not a bad comment.
I love your structure and your imagination, next time, don’t go too far with the most dangerous AK or to much Aussie acsent.